Hey Guys!
Sorry I'm so late with this blog, but to tell you the truth this week's Bachelor was very predictable and kind of boring. Let's face it, we all knew that every girl would get the date card from Chris Harrison and decide to spend the night in the fantasy suite.
Jake needs "more time with these women to see how he feels", and what better place to cop a feel (oops! I mean see how he feels) than in the fantasy suite. You know, I was wondering, do you think Chris Harrison gets turned on when writes out those slimy date cards for the fantasy suite? LMAO!! Can we say Douche Lord!
First up Gia. I'll admit that Jake & Gia seem to have crazy chemistry, but it seems kind of forced and quite honestly, very sexually oriented. Anyway, they go shopping with "the natives" of the island (her words, not mine) and Jake buys Gia a necklace. She wraps it around her arm, ( WTF???) and vows to never take it off again. Ooooh, bad move Gia. I'm betting that bracelet ended up at the bottom of the ocean in St. Lucia after he dumped her. Fast forward to fantasy suite, where Gia says she's "ready to go all the way" and that they have incredible chemistry. I feel dirty watching them take a bubble bath with roses and candles and go get a Diet Coke, knowing that this girl is toast. Who takes a bath with a guy on national t.v. and gets the rose???
Next up SWEEEEEEETTTTTT Tenley ( "like the number 10"). She is sooooooo excited to take a helicopter tour of the island with Jaaaake!!! Girlfriend is sooooo sweet, and soooooo vivacious and soooo vibrant and so urrrggh!!! ENOUGH!!!!! I decide to exchange my Diet Coke for a glass of cabernet. There, that's better!! Find myself wishing that Tenley was the one that Jake made walk the plank (confused?? we'll get to that). On their picnic in the Rainforest (another normal date) Tenley tells Jake that she hasn't been on a picnic in years, especially "with a boy". Well, at least she got that part right! They agree that all of their dates have been very real, and that this proves that they could make it work in the real world. (Maybe on MTV's The Real World). Cut to dinner where Jake says he loves that Tenley loves to dance. So, guess what they do? C'mon, you know! They get up and dance! Such an intimate moment, only shared by the entire film crew and all of America. Awwww..so real. Tenley decides that even though she hasn't ever been with another man other than her ex husband, she'll take the fantasy suite card. Bet some really sweeeeet fireworks went off in that suite! lol
Final contestant Vienna arrives and she and Jake take a romantic cruise on the actual ship from Pirates of the Carribbean. Hey, I'll bet that they could make it in the real world too! YAY!!! Anyway, Vienna makes Jake wear an eye patch, he makes her walk the plank and they mug alllll day lonnnng in and out of the water. ICK!!! Jake says he loves Vienna's fun, playful "almost immature" side, 'cause that's how he'll be. WTF??? Cue sappy "On the Wings of Love" music. Why don't they ever play that for any of the other contestants?? I mean I know this shit happens in real life. The last time I went out on a date, right before we kissed I could have sworn I heard "Brick House" playing in the background! Hmmmm......
Off they go to the fantasy suite where Vienna surprises Jake with some cheap ass lingerie that looks like it came from Target (sorry Target). As she playfully closes the door to the bedroom, we all know that Jake is about to need the name of a good doctor. You KNOW that girl has been around the proverbial block a time or ten. I'm just sayin'.....
I'm off to lunch and then I'll blog about those crazy ass Real Housewives of Orange County. Stay tuned and no matter what the situation, always remember to BELIEVE ~~~~~
Speaking of BELIEVEING, who BELIEVES Tiger is really sorry???
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