The girls are told to pack up and get ready for a road trip and they all squeel like they've just won a million dollars! They divide into two groups on two buses, and immediately begin talking smack about the other group. One thing seems to be a common denominator; they all hate Vienna.
I'll go ahead and jump on that band wagon. Since delusionoid Michelle left, Vienna has definitely stepped in to fill her shoes. The way she refers to Jake as "her boyfriend" and the way she ooohs and ahhs and pawns all over him every time she sees him, ummmm, psycho!!
Jake hands the women a date card and makes them promise not to open it until he drives off on his moped (oops! I mean motorcycle!) He gave it to Gia, and OMG, the card is for Gia!!!! The other girls shoot her dagger looks as she gets ready for her date dressed to the nines in yep, you got it, stiletto heels and a way ugly outfit! Oh, you can hear the pure screams of delight as macho man Jake drives up on his bike...not so much when Gia climbs on back and they ride off into the sunset! (Don't tell anybody, but I get a warm feeling all over just looking at the girl's sad, let down faces)...I'm just sayin'....
Fast forward to Jake shaving in the rough, then changing his shirt so that we can see his ripped pilot abs. What a D-Lord!! Really?? Next he's telling us that "I've set up a little camp in the middle of the vineyard"; followed by "I cant' think of a better place to fall in love than in a vineyard". Wow! Maybe I've been a little too hard on Jake, I mean I totally agree! I'm a firm believer that with enough wine, anyone can fall in love in a vineyard, at least for the night! Back to the date. So Gia, (who does the girls from Jersey Shore proud), suggests that they play a little game of Hide and Seek in the vineyard. This goes over really well with Jake who says it shows him that "she has a real passion for life". Wow, I like Hide & Seek too!!! Who knew? Then she runs up & straddles him and he says he loves having her wrapped around him (this as he noticeably struggles to wobble his way out of the vineyard with Gia attached to his back!) LMAO!! Gia confesses (like all half-way good looking women do on these shows) that she was a total nerd back in the day and that her mom had to pull her out of school. Oh , o.k. now I get it. THAT'S why she wanted to play Hide and Seek and then followed that game up with the old standby, Spin the Bottle. She's in her element, its all she knows. (Who writes this stuff?) Jake proceeds to confess that his nickname in 9th grade was "Mr. Dateless". Really??? So much has changed, I mean look at him now having to go on a "Reality" t.v. show to find a date! Wow, good stuff! Then as "On the Wings of Love" plays creepily in the background, Jake asks Gia where he sees them in the future? She hesitates and then says "I'd like to be engaged for a while, like for 2 years, have 2 kids before the age of 30, adopt a baby girl from China and have a monkey". RUN JAKE, RUN!!!!
He ends the date by saying how wonderful it was to be around such a complex girl who was able to enjoy a simple date. Quick Jake, ask her spell "simple date", or "monkey" or "Gia"!! Needless to say, she bags the rose and goes home to taunt the other girls with her dreamy glazed over look of love.
Next group date, a bunch of the girls get to go Dune Buggying with Jake! They all have a lot of fun and Jake can't resist telling them that he "likes dirty girls"! All together now, ewwwwwwww. That night Jake wants to talk with each of the women and asks crazy Vienna to go talk first. She asks if she can go last (like a true freak show) because "she wants to be the last one to kiss him". Ashley proves to be yet another desperate creeper when she keeps answering Jake's questions while rubbing his leg and saying in her best sultry voice, "what else, what else?" They have zero chemistry. Next!!!
Next up Ali, who I still think will win Jake (isn't that an oxymoron?) if not be in the final two. When Ali says how hard it is for her to watch him with the other girls, he says "I'm just trying to give everyone a fair shot". Excuse me, I think I just threw up in my mouth. Really??? Side note: I absolutely love Ali's sense of style. She always looks effortlessly put together and I like the fact that "yellow" is her little black dress.
Fast forward to sweet, presh,innocent Tenley who hasn't been kissed since her big bad ex husband left her for no reason at all. That's why she basically plants a big, sexy "take me to the Madonna Suite bedroom" kiss on Jake the minute she gets a chance! There's something not quite right about Miss Tenley, can't put my finger on it, I'm just sayin'...
Last date comes down to 2 girls, one of which will go home. Long story short, Jake decides they both need to go and GASP!! throws the rose into the campfire!!! When the chauffer comes to pick up the bags of the ousted girl and takes both Ella and Kathryn's bags, OMG!!! the girls fall apart. Sweet Tenley leads the crying saying, "they're BOTH gone"!! Boo hoo hoo!~ Uh huh, like I said, there's gotta be another story behind this girl, she just seems too good to be true. Guess we'll have to wait and see!
At the rose ceremony, creeper Ashley and the sweet brunette girl (can't remember her name) both get sent packing. Sweet brunette girl leaves with class and her dignity in tact. Ashley, um not so much. She's crying and spewing venom all the while walking down the driveway and the van never comes for her. Again, LMAO!
So we wait with baited breath for next week's show. As always I'll be here to offer my take on it all.
Until then, peace out homies and always remember to BELIEVE!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment